• Gary Adrian Randall

To Anyone Feeling Lost: A Letter From My Dead Mother



For anyone who has lost a loved one, the holidays are always really hard.

I lost my mother to cancer 3 years ago, and although I have healed in many ways, Christmas is always a rough time, because it was the one time every year that I always came home to see her.


We would sit around the rotating Christmas tree and talk for hours, upon hours, upon hours. Those talks meant the world to me when she was alive.

When she died, I had to find a new way to communicate.


Sometimes when I am feeling down, I write in my journal.

When I'm feeling really down, I write my mom a letter.

And when that doesn't work, I write letters to myself, FROM her.


It's weird, I know, but I just tell myself exactly what I know she would tell me.

And every time, the words just flow from me, as if she is whispering in my ear.


Here is a letter I wrote, from her, to me, this morning. If you are feeling lost and alone this holiday season, I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.


Dear Gary,


Shut up and be still. You don't always have to be constantly in motion. It is okay to take a break. If you don't have all the answers right now, it's because you aren't supposed to.

You know everything you need to know, right now.


You may feel lost. You may actually be lost. But what adventurer doesn't get lost once in a while? If you know the outcome of a journey, it takes all the fun out of getting there, doesn't it?


We aren't always meant to have a heading. Being a human being is messy.

And when you are lost in an ocean, unsure of the location of your North star, unsure of how you will eat, or if you will ever reach your destination, the only thing you can really do is keep sailing.


Surrounded by nothing but horizon, the possibilities are endless.

Choose a direction.

Let the waves take you.

Surrender yourself and your boat to the wind.

And remember that wherever you end up, there you are.


And if you find you aren't happy in that new place, all it takes is one decision, and off you go again, to experience new adventures, with new horizons to conquer.


Remember that regardless of how you feel, you are not lost. Not truly.

You just have no control right now. And for someone like you, that can feel like torture.

But the lesson is in the letting go.

Embracing patience.

Throwing your hands up in the air, and giving in, and allowing your higher power to take the wheel.


In doing so you will find faith.

And in embracing faith you will find peace.


And hopefully that will be enough to tide you over until the next time you forget that you were put on this Earth for a reason.

Discovering that reason is the point of your entire life.

So there is no shame in feeling lost, or unsure, or disconnected, or depressed.


You remain at the helm of your own ship, at the mercy of the waves and wind, unknowingly headed in the direction of the majesty of your destiny.


Regardless of whether or not you can see the shore.


XOXO

Mum




"It is the artist's duty to reflect the times"

-Nina Simone

Gary Adrian Randall. 2017. All Rights Reserved.