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  • Writer's pictureGary Adrian Randall

The 2020 VP Debate: Momala Versus The Devil's Altar Boy

The Vice Presidential debate was a blur of question dodging, mansplaining, pinkeye, and wig flies. But at least it was an actual debate.

After last weeks trumpsterfire of a Presidential debate, I really had low expectations for tonight's Vice Presidential debate. I went into it with an open mind, thinking that I would love to see Kamala's diplomatic side.

And honestly it would be refreshing to hear Pence speak at all, since his face is normally buried deep within the pockmarked boil-fields of Trump's ass cheeks.

In general I was impressed with both candidate's charisma, although regarding Kamala Harris, I mean 'Michelle Obama' charisma, and in terms of Mike Pence, it's more of a 'rural preacher convincing your parents you belong in a conversion camp' vibe.

Both did a good job of pulling me in, although after hearing Kamala talk, I wanted to toast marshmallows with Uncle Joe while on a family cold water kayaking trip in the Berkshires.

After hearing Pence talk, I wanted to take a rape shower and scrub my butthole with a brillo pad soaked in hydroxycloroquine.

But in terms of speaking to their base, I think they both did well.

Mike Pence

Obviously, I'm a fucking liberal. Mike Pence's stances on abortion and gay rights are all I need to know.

In face, my fondest dream was that Kamala would stomp off a private plane in her Timberlands, walk straight across the room, and whip Mike Pence's leatherbound ass with a willow switch so hard that his skin suit would flay off, and everyone would see that the Trump administration is actually a bunch of demons led by the Antichrist.

Seriously though, almost every member of the GOP looks like they are decaying from the inside out.

This could be because lying, cheating, philandering, and stealing age you prematurely, but it is just as likely that Trump is the Antichrist, and all the people around him are actually demons. If not in reality, then at least metaphorically.

Seriously, Rudy Giuliani looks like an alien cockroach demon. Tell me I'm lying.

Anyway, back to DePence.

He had pink eye, the nostrils on his skin suit weren't fitted correctly so he was wheezing like Mike Myers after an all night Halloween coke binge. The very act of trying to smile forced his mouth into a downward dog that looked painful to behold, and a fucking fly was so attracted to his dusted wig powder and the stench of hellfire beneath, that it posted up on his head for a full ten minute siesta.

I've heard reports from the White House that the fly was just Mike Pence's only black friend, but honestly I find it hard to believe that he has any black friends, so I'm calling fake news.

He told some really great lies tonight, and managed to not only keep talking long after the moderator tried to shush him, but to keep raising new points and lines of reasoning, none of which had anything to do with any of the actual questions.

As to whether this is misogynist behavior because he was talking over a woman, I can't make that call. It definitely felt like it though. And I sincerely hope women agree.

He droned on and on tonight, but he didn't answer a single one of the moderator's actual questions. So for a demon in a skin suit hell-bent on showing loyalty to their demonic overlord, I would say he did meh?

Kamala Harris

'Oh, sweet Momala. You sat at the table tonight and kept your cool. You read that bitch like a book with your eyes, and when you told him you were speaking, he heard you. We all did. You didn't even have to raise your voice. What we saw tonight was a leader that we can all aspire to, and believe in.'

LOL I think it's safe to say that this post is politically biased, but Kamala gave me exactly what I wanted tonight. She spoke eloquently but powerfully. She covered a range of topics, even if she didn't always answer the questions. And she managed to plug all the Biden-Harris talking points, give strong support to Joe Biden as both a partner and a friend, provide insight to her own backstory and platform, and call Mike Pence out on his bullshit.

Although arguably, she could have done this the entire time, since all the was coming out of Pence's mouth was a long stream of well-concocted orangutan shit.

Kamala came across as someone who not only knows what she is talking about, but who understands what is important to the average American person. I teared up a few times when she was talking, especially about Breonna Taylor and the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

In a country so far divided into left and right, now more than ever we need compassion. We need leaders who are willing to work across the aisle. We need leaders who see the diversity in a country as a strength, who see the value of friendship, both within our communities and from a global perspective.

Tonight, Kamala came across as that kind of leader.

And Pence was so full of shit that he literally attracted flies.


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