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  • Writer's pictureGary Adrian Randall

How NOT to Meditate

Meditation is totally hard, you guys.

When I was 16 years old, I dated a Wiccan. I've meditated regularly since then. And by regularly, I mean 6 times, over a span of 21 years. (sidebar: I'm old).

I have nothing against meditation. In fact, I truly, truly believe it is basically necessary for mental health and clarity. Meditating offers a kind of stress relief that you can't really get any other way. And self-reflection is one of the most important things you can do in terms of self care, especially during these trying times lol.

That being said, concentrating on 'not concentrating' is pretty impossible for most people. I am capable of it. But just like Donald Trump in his incessant Covid Campaign Rallies, my mind WILL NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP.

So, if you are actually here to learn to meditate, first off: 'What the fuck are you doing with your life that you're turning to random internet homos for life advice?'

And secondly, try these apps. They totally work!

Now that we've cleared that up, can we please talk about something important?

Yes I know Rupaul's Drag Race Allstars Season 3 was a long time ago. Yes, I know that Shangela has gone on to become one of the most successful queens in the biz ( I just watched her on Katy Keene). Yes, I know that being the Susan Lucci of the brand is a title in-and of-itself.

But that being said, she was totally robbed.

Here is my thesis.

Much like Bendalacreme (also Allstars season 3), or Gigi Goode (from the current season), Shangela came to wipe the floor with her mussy in All Stars 3.

When she first came to Drag Race in Season 2, with bargain basement fashions and an eleven-o-clock shadow inspired by the tarmac at Laguardia, her fiery spirit made her a fan favorite. After being eliminated, she beat that mug so hard it became beautsy, stepped her mussy up in every way possible, and came back to the show like 50 times, popping out of boxes and shit, when the other queens least expected it.

She was eliminated by her fellow queens in All Stars Season 3, and yes, I'm still saltier than Sean Hannity's back sweat about it. I know its a game, and I know the queens were just eliminating their biggest competitor.

And I know that the eventual winner Trixie Mattel has more mainstream appeal, even though her cheekbones literally bisect her face into separate hemispheres. Like, seriously. WHY DO YOUR CHEEKBONES START ON THE BACK OF YOUR NECK?

But I will always ride hard for Shangela, because I believe she deserved to win. Can I get an Amenses? How about a Halleloo?

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